Each week here at TSFJ, we're chronicling some of the reasons why we think fantasy football is a dreadful game that nobody should play. Last week we talked about what happens when a game that should be high-scoring (both on the field and in fantasy) turns into a defensive struggle.
This week, I want to talk a little bit about the "Drew Brees Effect."
The Drew Brees Effect: When you do as well as humanly possible and you still walk away a loser because of circumstances beyond your control.
100 percent of fantasy football players ever have suffered from DBE. It's a painful affliction that causes anguish due to the fact the fantasy player has no effect on the outcome. My friend Micah was hit with a bad case of it just this week.
The following is a real text conversation that took place the Tuesday afternoon following Week 3 of the NFL season.
Micah: "I hate fantasy football, Kyle. I hate it."
Micah: “I’m 0-3… in a league where I’m tied for 3rd in total points.”
Micah is last in his league despite constructing the third highest scoring team. There is literally nothing Micah can do about this, which is a brutal way to compete in anything.
Everyone has an “I scored the second most points this week but played against the guy that scored the most” story. This happens to everyone, every year, and it is gut-wrenching every time. There’s no enjoyment in it. It's exactly like being Drew Brees and scoring a bunch of points while your defense surrenders something north of infinity. Hence, the "Drew Brees Effect."
You’re rolling the dice in hopes that players -- who don’t give a shit about your fantasy team by the way -- play better than the other person’s players. There is no strategy; it’s gambling. And as a hyper-competitive person who wants to be able to see what I did wrong to improve after I lose, there’s nothing about that sort of situation that sits right with me, and yet it's a constant in fantasy football.
Fantasy football is the worst.
Why you should quit fantasy football immediately
You started the 49ers defense against Seattle. Your rationale of “Russell Wilson is hurt, and Seattle’s offensive line stinks!” works right up until you realize the 49ers defense had just gotten gashed for 100 yards by Fozzy Whitaker the week before. Your rationale gets further incinerated when you take into account the 49ers offense wouldn’t be able to stay on the field against Seattle’s defense, thus giving the Seahawks ample chances to wear down the 49ers defense and score a bunch of points.
You thought you were so smart getting out ahead of people down on the 49ers after their abysmal performance in Carolina.
So go into your group chat, tell all your friends you're quitting -- relax. It's really the best way to go about watching football on Thursdays, Sundays and Mondays. We're doing you a favor. Don't believe us? Keep checking in to "Why You Shouldn't Be Playing Fantasy Football" for more examples.
Until then, happy lineup setting!
Experiment 626. Coffee drinker and cat enthusiast. Pro-avocado. Anti-sac bunt. Habitual bat flipper. Alex Smith apologist. Yoenis Cespedes fanboy.