This is my fifth attempt at writing this column. In the first one, I tried to write about Trent Richardson. The second and third were attempts at ranking the teams while making a bunch of references to Breaking Bad. The fourth was an empty Wordpress box. I then opened my e-mail to tell editor-in-chief and new SB Nation weekly columnist Eduardo "Eddie" Maisonet that I needed until Tuesday for this. But then I decided, maybe we can get through this by me just dropping a bunch of one-liners. You'll never know if this was better or worst than the other attempts.
• In the long run, everyone might benefit from the Trent Richardson trade, or so says Bill Barnwell.
• The trade really motivated Ahmad Bradshaw, and it might be time to readjust expectations for the Colts.
• The Bears are two games ahead of the Packers.
• The Saints are two games ahead of the Falcons.
• The Seahawks are two games ahead of the 49ers.
• Ron Rivera went for it at the goal line on fourth down and inches to go. The fact that this deserves its own one-liner is not a good sign.
• The thinnest of silver linings: David Wilson is finally a positive scoring fantasy player after three weeks.
• The ricin is for the Steelers' season.
• And per Andrew Bucholtz, the machine gun is for the Redskins' season.
• Read this piece on Aldon Smith and Jim Harbaugh's 2005 DUI.
• The Chiefs are my new favorite jersey in the league.
• Todd should have been a Lannister.
• Sorry, Breaking Bad is bleeding into these one-liners.
• Roddy White's new nickname should be LeSean Decoy.
• Your most deceptive 3-0 team remains New England.
• I just checked to see if Miami and Kansas City play each other this season, because that would be a great match-up, who knew.
• Your most deceptive 2-1 team: Houston and the New York Jets.
• Mark Sanchez giving Geno Smith advice on the sideline is funnier than the butt fumble, because I've seen the butt fumble too much.
• C.J. Spiller, fantasy team killer.
• The Brian Hoyer era will end with a trade to Jacksonville for their entire 2014 draft.
• Did you read about how Mike Holmgren offered the entire 2012 draft for Andrew Luck?
• The Sam Bradford era will be mostly forgettable.
• The Detroit Lions have too many talented running backs, what's going on again?
• Teams I have no idea what to make of after three weeks: Dallas, Detroit, Tennessee, Atlanta.
• If Chip Kelly doesn't put Freddie Mitchell on a flashcard before the end of the season, his jump to the pros will have meant nothing.
• I feel like I related to the Greg Schiano situation really well, and so should you, who ever gets along with their boss anyways?
• I watched the entire Bills-Jets game. Don't let any of the highlight shows try to fool you, that was the worst one-possession game ever.
• I'm not counting out the Giants or Redskins, because, first, like Jason Clinkscales keeps telling me on Twitter, it's September.
• And second, because it's the NFC East. That division doesn't do conclusions until Week 17.
• We need a nickname for Jordan Cameron.
• I would probably say Brian Hoyer ends up more Matt Cassel than Tom Brady.
• I like the Jaguars helmets. I think the problem is more they're a terrible team right now.
• The best part about the Chiefs' win on Thursday was Andy Reid vs. Sal Paolantonio.
• And finally, Adrian Peterson's daughter is out here hurting feelings
Did Alex forget anything? Let us know in the comments section!
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