It seems like just yesterday that Will Muschamp was the heir apparent to Mack Brown at Texas who couldn't wait any longer for the Longhorns' longtime head coach to step aside. So, the coveted defensive coordinator made the leap to one of the best landing spots available in the SEC and the nation: post-Urban Meyer University of Florida. Little did we know then, in 2011 when Meyer was just starting to "take a break" from football, that poor Muschamp did not know what an offense is, much less how to run one. It turns out that a successful football team should, in fact, have a decent offense — even in the SEC (sometimes).
We here at The Sports Fan Journal are taking a vested interest in the hiring of the next Florida Gators head coach. UF Athletic Director Jeremy Foley might be a wonderful human being, but you quite simply cannot trust a man who has hired both Ron Zook and Muschamp to be head football coaches (yes, he got Meyer but even a blind squirrel finds a nut every now and then). That's why we here at TSFJ are doing a completely unsolicited coaching search to help find the next Florida head coach.
So we will spend days and weeks, if need be, to find the next Gators head coach. To do it, we will go beyond any search that Foley is doing right now.
That's right: We're going to interview our friends and other people we think are cool to see how they would handle being the next coach at the University of Florida, because even they couldn't be worse than Will Muschamp.
First on our list is Syreeta Hubbard, also known as The NFL Chick. There aren't many things that could separate Hubbard from her beloved Baltimore, but righting the ship in Gainesville is on that short list.
To see if she was right for the job, we asked her six questions, which is at least twice as many as Muschamp had to answer before he got hired.
Her answers are italicized.
What's the first thing you'll fix about the Florida Gators, and how would you fix it?
First things first — get a great offensive coordinator. I applaud Will Muschamp for what he's done in recruiting great defensive talent, but it's no secret that we stink on offense. We currently are ranked 70th in the country. A program that was once known for the Fun-n-Gun offense is ranked 70th! Bringing in an offensive mind is key to take back The Swamp. I'll also bring in some top-notch skill players on offense. Now, I won't bring back the (former UF and Patriots tight end) types like other coaches have in the past *cough* at OSU *cough*, but I will do my due diligence in bringing in the best players within reason.
She's taking shots at B1G schools already! This answer is great, minus one risky name drop.
What's your philosophy on offense?
My philosophy is do whatever Muschamp DIDN'T do in the four years he was the head coach.
Every Florida fan reading this is now nodding his or her head vigorously.
On a scale from 1-10, how strong would you rate your Gator chomp, and why?
Forget 1-10, my Gator chomp is on 100. I chomp so hard, my hands bruise and my elbows get sore. Sad thing is, I haven't chomped so passionately in two years. Even beating UGA this season didn't bring out that chomp. But I assure all of the fans that the elbow and hand bruising chomp is BYKE, for the 99 and the 2000!
Look, I really like the effort and enthusiasm. But what was Muschamp if not enthusiastic? I'm apprehensive.
How do you feel about Tim Tebow?
Tim Tebow is a god. A college football god, who was sent upon the University of Florida to bless us with his great gift. He's a great person and one of the best college football players I've ever seen, and he's personable and humble. I told Albert the Gator that his duties for the 2015 season have been relieved. Tim Tebow will be offered the job of the official mascot for the 2015 Flawda Gators. Anyone who has an issue with it can and will burn in hell.
Tim Tebow is the new mascot! Flawda! Hellfire!
You get word that Steve Spurrier compared your Gators team to Clemson in a pregame presser. How do you react?
I'll respond by reminding Mr. Spurrier to take his Geritol and Ensure to revive that old brain of his. This ain't South Carolina nor is it the ACC. It's the SEC! And this the Florida! I'll remind him that while he still thinks about the beautiful ex he left. I'm in bed with her every night.
How long will it take for you to make UF the best team in Florida?
The first year will be tough. Getting recruits to stay and courting new recruits to assure them that we are making great strides will be tough. But I can sell water to a well. I can and will get the best talent in the country. Being in the SEC, it will be hard to dominate in year one, but it's a challenge we accept. Warm weather, winning football tradition and a straight path to the NFL is what the Florida Gators are all about. And Tim Tebow will be our mascot, and we will chomp 'til our arms fall off.
Lost me at chomping 'til our arms fall off. Also, she technically didn't answer the question, but she sounded great.
You never hire your first interview right away.
But I think this bar has been set unfairly high for the rest of our candidates. Going the exact opposite direction as Will Muschamp on offense is the best answer for this team to be competitive again, getting Tim Tebow to be the mascot is a stroke of genius and Steve Spurrier has finally met an equal verbal sparring partner. There are some concerns, though. Too much enthusiasm might be a problem, as is Gator chomping 'til our arms fall off.
At the very worst, we've found the next communications director for UF athletics. At best? Spurrier 2.0.
"Some people believe football is a matter of life and death, I am very
disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much, much more
important than that."
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