By Jeffery Scott / @jeffesquire
In less than a week, we will be treated to one of my favorite days of the year, Christmas Day. While it doesn’t quite have the same feeling as it did when I was younger for a myriad of reasons, one thing that hasn’t changed is the feeling I get knowing there is a full day of great NBA basketball ahead of me. With these games normally comes a slew of new commercials, some good and some terrible. So that got me thinking: What are some of the worst NBA-related commercials I have ever seen?
Here they are for your enjoyment (or disgust — I’ll take either one).
10. Foot Locker Week Of Greatness: Tim Duncan Isn’t Excited
There probably couldn’t be a worse pairing of NBA personalities than Derrick Rose and Tim Duncan. They combine to have the on-screen comedic fire of Droopy Dog. It’s not believable that Tim Duncan cares about Foot Locker’s Week of Greatness. We’ve seen how he dresses. I’m convinced he hoops in the finest of Addidas that Wal-Mart has to offer. I’m really not sure how they shoot Derrick Rose commercials either. Terrible acting.
9. Nike Spike Lee And Tim Hardaway: AKA Spike Lee And Not Michael Jordan
My God. It looks like the Lion King had a drunken night with Basketball Jones, and this was their lovechild. Spike is selling Tim Hardaway’s shoes, yet is saying everything about his shot is detestable. To be fair, the best line out of all of these commercials might be, “I got skillth,” as so eloquently stated by Mr. Hardaway. Of course, this is no comparison to Mars Blackmon (those commercials are overrated in my opinion), but this was just a poor commercial all around.
8. Nike LeBron James: The LeBrons And A Swimming Pool
Most of “The LeBrons” commercials were terrible, but this one definitely takes the cake. Why? Because it somehow found a way to make one of the greatest songs of all time less cool because of it. That is the only foul here, but it counts for six techs and a flagrant. Shout to Kool and the Gang.
7. Reebok A6: A.I. And J-Kiss, Total Miss
Make no mistake, the Allen Iverson A5 commercial with Jadakiss is one of the greatest commercials of all time. But the second time around it was just flat. Add in Iverson rapping this go-round, and it just doesn’t have the same “ummph.” When the A5 commercial dropped, the hood was on smash. A6? The hood was on “meh.” If your city (outside of Philadelphia) felt different, please let me know. By the way, what ever happened to Trackmasters?
6. KFC Hot And Spicy Chicken: Magic Johnson … Selling Chicken
First of all, let it be known that Magic Johnson is my favorite basketball player of all time. 32 is my favorite number. Earvin is a very rich man. The foundation of his wealth? Commercials like these. Magic has made a reel of terrible commercials. But this one could possibly the worst of them all. The over-acting. Magic breathing fire because he ate a drumstick. That fire somehow pushing a basketball into a hoop. It’s so bad it’s hilarious. Thankfully Magic retired from commercials. Unfortunately, he won’t retire from Twitter.
5. NBA: The Big Heads On Regular Bodies Thing
All of these were terrible. All of them. I get the play on words. Big things are coming. But this was so poorly thought out and executed that it has no redeemable qualities. At least most of these commercials you can laugh at because they’re terrible. These are just weird.
4. Jordan: D-Wade Makes Kevin Hart Un-funny
Kevin Hart is currently the hottest comedian on the planet. He’s released numerous specials and movies that are exceptional. This commercial is literally the most un-funny I’ve ever seen Kevin Hart do. Even "Soul Plane" was kinda funny. Wade’s dialogue in this is just horrid. Jordan Brand is better than this. I don’t know who signed off on this, but it is very disappointing. Jordan/Nike are responsible for some of the greatest commercials EVER. But even this atrocity isn’t the worst one they’ve offered.
3A. Ken Jeong And/Or Leslie Chow Outrageously Cosigns Dwight Howard
3B. NBA: Random Guy Talks To Teenage Kevin Durant
These were so bad I couldn’t choose which was worse. I hate the Kevin Durant commercial not only because I hate Montrose Christian (I went to Riverdale Baptist in Maryland, which rivaled Montrose at the time), but also because it was just weird as hell. Some random guy is talking to a Durant, who obviously doesn’t know he’s there. It's just a case of decent idea, poor execution. The Dwight Howard commercial is a reason I believe my brother Ed Maisonet touched on why people hate Dwight Howard. Ken Jeong was in "Hangover" form in this. Add Howard singing and you have recipe for disaster.
2. Mr. Submarine: Scottie Pippen And Random Women Prophesy That’s What She Said
No really, as you’re reading this I am STILL laughing. Please go back and watch it one more time. The lip sync being seconds off isn’t the most egregious part of this commercial. “Ladies, let’s have a party” is a line I’m sure Scottie has said many times in his day. I’m clearly not mature enough to deal with quotes such as, “For the best tasting meat around …” because I am still laughing. This commercial is so awful it's hilarious and has become one of my favorites. How did they even get that sandwich to stand up? What kind of sandwich is 6’5"? Just epic.
1. Jordan 2009
WHAT WAS THAT?! WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS THAT GARBAGE?! Glossing over the fact this random guy catapulted into your pickup game, WHY would you give him the rock?! Then he jumps to God knows where? Why was no one questioning him? Why did no one tell him he had to call next? The only words being, “Dude he just took your ball” is unforgivable. Plus the shoes are trash. Just sickening. Great job Jordan Brand.
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