(A note from the Editor Emeritus: Before there was TSFJ, there was ETSF. “Today’s Obituaries” on edthesportsfan.com was one of our signature content series on the old domain, and in lieu of the 10-year anniversary of the first creation, we’ll occasionally bring these back into existence. Enjoy.)
William Gay, 24, passed away on October 25th, 2009. He was born on New Years Day, 1985 in Tallahassee, Florida. William was a cornerback for the Pittsburgh Steelers and formerly of the University of Louisville Cardinals football team. He was chosen by the Steelers with the 170th pick (5th round) of the 2007 NFL Draft. He is survived by his 3 teammates in the secondary, Ike Taylor, Ryan Clark, and Troy Polamalu; and his coaches, Mike Tomlin and Dick LeBeau. A special foundation has been created in William’s name, called the “Don’t Get Trucked By #28 foundation” for defensive backs who get “ran over” in the line of fire. This foundation was created in lieu of the massacre that took place on Sunday afternoon at Heinz Field in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
Witnesses say, Adrian Peterson, 24, received a dump-off pass from a graybeard accomplice only known as “Favre” and began fleeing the scene. Gay attempted to bring down Mr. Peterson by obstructing his path, yet could not withstand the 12-gauge shotgun headbutt shoulder blast that Peterson unloaded. Troy Polamalu appeared to be “dumbfounded” by what was happening, saying that something like that would never happen to him. Police say that after Peterson blew through Gay’s chest, ran over him and stepped into his neck, after rumbling another 15 yards and being brought down, there was a loud primal outcry let out by Peterson after the incident, almost as if he enjoyed annihilating the defensive back and looking thirsty for more. There were several reports of individuals “peeing their pants” and parents covering their children’s eyes. No charges have been filed at this point, as apparently there was a football game going on, and the home team (Steelers) won the game.
If you have any clues of the whereabouts of Mr. Peterson, please contact the authorities immediately. Sources say Peterson is fleeing to Green Bay, Wisconsin to look for more oncoming victims. This man is ARMED & DANGEROUS! Please do not attempt to take him down by yourself, please call for help as he’s been known to take out 11 people at a time. Please review this undercover video to see if you recognize the man below wearing #28. He has many aliases, “Purple Jesus”, “All Day”, and “The Next Jim Brown”, so be on the lookout. Thank you.
Eddie Maisonet is the founder and editor emeritus of The Sports Fan Journal. Currently, he serves as an associate editor for ESPN.com. He is an unabashed Russell Westbrook and Barry Switzer apologist, owns over 100 fitteds and snapbacks, and lives by Reggie Jackson’s famous quote, “I am the straw that stirs the drink.”