Starting Lineups: A Letter to Dallas Cowboys Fans From A Dallas Cowboys Fan

Cowboys_Fans_Are_The_Worst

I present this letter without comment from my brother from another mother Larry Luk. You might know this gentlemen is a part-owner of We Are The Process, and we are also in the same fraternity, #USMediaBros4Life. That was way too much comment for someone who just said that he would present this letter without comment. I’m done commenting. Please read.

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Criticizing the Dallas Cowboys organization is a 24/7 practice in Big D. This letter is not directed to the Dallas Cowboys management and team. This letter directed to fans of the Dallas Cowboys:

I CAN’T STAND Y’ALL!

I CAN’T F******* STAND Y’ALL!

Y’all are the worst kind of fans.

Y’all are the worst kind of human beings.

Y’all have no moral compass.

Classless. Tasteless. Deplorable wastes of space.

Y’all buy anything Jerry slaps The Star onto.

Y’all buy licensed Dallas Cowboys merchandise like it’s your job.

Y’all buy unlicensed Dallas Cowboys merchandise like it’s your side hustle.

Y’all can’t name more than 5 players on the squad.

Y’all still wear a #31 Roy Williams jersey that you bought on sale in 2003.

LeBron is Cowboys fan. (Gross)

Y’all cheer for LeBron James AND the Miami Heat.

To make matters worse, you “go hard” for the New York Yankees and Manchester United. Have some self respect!

Y’all only buy sneakers if they’re popular.

Y’all show no restraint when it comes to sparkly jeans.

Y’all wear clubbing shirts to work.

Y’all think Talledega Nights is a marvel of modern cinema.

Y’all act like drinking a Presidente Margarita from Chili’s during lunch is “The Greatest Thing Ever!”

Y’all wear sunglasses indoors! Why?

Y’all listen to Incubus.

Y’all don’t know what a proper tailgate looks like.

95% of y’all have NEVER BEEN TO DALLAS!

Y’all can’t make enough noise to give the hometeam an advantage IN DALLAS!

Y’all actually like Tony Romo!

Y’ALL DON’T KNOW WHO TOM LANDRY IS!

I rest my case.

If I wasn’t born and raised in Dallas, I’d hate this team. But sadly, I am a Cowboys lifer and I have to deal with the stigma of being one of y’all. Thanks for ruining everything. Cowboys fans are the worst.

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Here is your pertinent reading material for you to enjoy on this fine Friday. Enjoy.

Caution over rushing – SB Nation

Guilt-Free Listening: Stream Maybach Music Group’s “Self-Made 3″ — Day & A Dream

Hakeem Olajuwon would like to sell you some sneakers, please — Ball Don’t Lie

Andy Reid Didn’t Seem Pleased To Speak With Sal Paolantonio Last Night — The Smoking Section

Vanessa Williams meets with new barrier-breaking Miss America Nina Davuluri — The Grio

A Football Life: Derrick Thomas Preview — NFL Films Blog

Breaking Bad’s Jesse Was Great On The Price is Right, Yo — Kotaku

The NFL’s Concussion Settlement Is A Disaster — Deadspin

When Will Floyd Mayweather Get Respected as a Business Man? — The Front Office

Michael Vick part of group offering new line of hair brushes — Los That Sports Blog

He Said What!?! Josh Homme on Jay Z: “That Guy’s a Kook.” — Chan-Lo

2 Replies to “Starting Lineups: A Letter to Dallas Cowboys Fans From A Dallas Cowboys Fan”

  1. Wow, as a lifelong Cowboys fan, this describes pretty much NO ONE I know. I’d be offended, but it doesn’t describe me in the slightest. Dude sounds like an idiot.

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