Late last week, the second greatest basketball player in the world decided that the single life was no longer for him. Kevin Durant went down on one knee and asked his basketball-playing girlfriend Monica Wright of the Minnesota Lynx to be his for life. (Sidenote: The fact that KD ended up wifing a chick named Monica Wright is amazing. The fact that she’s an elite hooper, is dumbfounding. Love and Basketball ain’t ever been this real.) With Wright saying yes, we have the potential for their off-spring to be the greatest basketball playing human beings of all-time.
Of course, with wedding plans now on the horizon for the lovebirds, there is one sacred event still remaining on Kevin Durant’s agenda that must be conquered before he can have his bride. The bachelor party. Who’s going to be in charge of putting together the bachelor party? OF COURSE ITS GOING TO BE THE MAN WHO CAN’T SCORE, KENDRICK PERKINS! Over at BallerBall, it seems that Jason Gallagher may or may not have obtained a copy of an email from Big Perk on his plans for the bachelor party festivities:
_________________________________________ From: [email protected] To: [email protected] Subject: KD’S BACH PARTY _________________________________________
Look, everyone needs to answer me back this time, for real. This is the 3rd email I sent and if I have to send another one, I’m gonna start shooting more 3′s this season.
BET I WON’T.
Alright, now as the official organizer for KD’s bach party I got a couple of things to address. First off, Russ went ahead and got us reservations at Abuelo’s. Ya’ll don’t like it, take it up with a tree.
Next, ya’ll don’t tell D-Fish about this. We all know when he starts drinkin’ that dude gets crazy. He’s always makin’ bets that he can do things in .4 seconds, which is stupid as hell. Once, when we were drinkin’ (responsibly, yo) this dude bet me 5K that he could down a beer, then strip to his boxers and jump in the pool, then swim across, then get out of the pool and run to McDonalds and back… in .4 seconds. I hella cashed out, but that ish is ridiculous. So keep it shut around Fish.
Also, I went ahead and bought a card or whatever. The only people that have signed it are Nick Collison and myself.
Ya’ll better get on that now, or I’m gonna start running the point this season.
BET I WON’T.
Also, Bron is gonna be there and we all know how I feel about that *#&@^. I don’t like him but KD does and this is about him. So, for real, he’ll need to be kept at least 10 feet away from me at all times. If he gets closer, it’ll be on ya’ll for what happens. That’s all I’m sayin’.
You can read the whole “email” from Big Perk when you have the time (and I encourage it) and you should join me in making egregious claims on what you will do then yelling out “BET I WON’T” just to let people know that you mean business. I know that KD’s bachelor party will not be televised, but I guarantee is sure will be live, especially if Big Perk’s planning it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be hitting my boy Perk up to see if I can get the official invite to join them in the bachelor party festivities.
BET I WON’T.
Eddie Maisonet is the founder and editor emeritus of The Sports Fan Journal. Currently, he serves as an associate editor for ESPN.com. He is an unabashed Russell Westbrook and Barry Switzer apologist, owns over 100 fitteds and snapbacks, and lives by Reggie Jackson’s famous quote, “I am the straw that stirs the drink.”