The Definitive 2013 Jacksonville Jaguars Prop Bet Guide

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The Jacksonville Jaguars are a terrible football team this season. This much we know. They haven’t scored a touchdown at home yet this season, which is kind of okay until you realize we’re heading towards the halfway mark of the season. But when a team is bad, maybe historically bad, we need to do our best to extract the most entertainment value out of them. The Jaguars are not going to be bad forever; it just feels that way right now. The high draft picks are coming, and their owner seems to be on the competent side of the scale. So while they’re still in this terrible state, the following are prop bets you can make against the number of Jacksonville Jaguars wins this season:

  • number of triple-doubles Anthony Randolph will record this season
  • number of times you find yourself involved in a pointless Kobe vs. LeBron debate this season
  • number of hairstyles Nerlens Noel will have for the 76ers this year
  • number of teams linked to Tim Tebow between now and the end of the season
  • number of teams linked to Phil Jackson between now and the end of the season
  • number of players suspended for HGH in baseball next season
  • number of BBM PINs you actually care to add the rest of this week
  • number of times you go to Popeyes and regret not getting that one extra piece to your combo (personal one)
  • number of times your fiancee reminds you that every two-hour podcast session you have is two hours not spent with her (getting too personal, let’s get back on track)
  • number of Miley Cyrus/Robin Thicke costumes you see on Halloween
  • number of days I have to live if I wear my Wayne Gretzky L.A. Kings jersey to the Leafs game this Saturday
  • number of times you get the blue screen of death on your laptop the rest of the year
  • number of game-winners by Marvin Williams this season
  • number of times a white guy dunks in-game this season, prompting a series of Limited Natural Ability jokes
  • number of new quarterbacks the Vikings will start for the rest of the season
  • number of players who will shed a tear when Greg Schiano is fired in Tampa Bay
  • number of times you actually wake up when your alarm sounds in the morning for the rest of your life
  • number of corner threes Andrew Bynum will hit in Cleveland this year while Mike Brown looks on and grins
  • number of times you print off a Jonathan Abrams article at work and read it in the washroom
  • number of Kate Upton Sports Illustrated swimsuit covers left in her career
  • number of hours you waste playing Grand Theft Auto online without ever doing anything except run over random people and shoot convenience store clerks before they empty their registers
  • number of times you’ll shake your head reading this top 20 most entertaining teams in sports list, which includes the Bills and Jets (not even in the top 20 if you’re ranking just the NFL), and somehow a Canadian university football team ranked above both of them.
  • number of Blaine Gabbert authentic jerseys sold online at the NFL shop for the rest of the year
  • number of times you wish ESPN did a complete subset of their 30 for 30 series on the ABA
  • number of funny fantasy team names in your league
  • number of things that got Amerie tripping
  • number of verses from Ghostface that you never understood but loved anyways
  • number of fights Ivan Johnson will get into playing in China’s basketball league
  • number of Dipset lyrics you want to get as a tattoo on your forehead
  • number of quotes from “Reasonable Doubt” Jay-Z will drop when he meets face to face with Hank Steinbrenner to discuss Cano’s contract
  • number of prop bets you’ll actually make from this list

Happy betting, everyone. And don’t forget to thank the Jaguars.

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